It’s been brought home to me lately that being a published author is an outer goal of mine. I say this gently, but it was necessary for it to come like blows from a sledgehammer.
Still, that doesn’t mean I give it up easily. It took quite a bit of pounding. After three years of submitting my first novel to publishers and agents, there was a day where I received 3 rejections. That jarred the process loose a little. Then, there was a quote I read on www.MartzBookz.com that reached out and shook me.
“Rejections are often gifts of direction”
And now today I read a blog post “The Cultural Atmosphere of an Author” on Shelly Holder’s blog. The author wrote about yearning for a literary establishment. It hit me that she had created it on her blog.
My inner goal is to write 8 books, one for each of my grandchildren. I’ve drafted 5 of them and now I step out from under the hammer, to focus on that goal and even to print them up on my printer and bind them myself.
Blogging also helped me along this journey. There is so much in blogland that out of necessity I started to read only those blogs that I resonate with. I can mimic this in my life and do only those writing endeavors that have juice.
The efficiency loving part of me is happily looking for where I can pare down my life. I hereby give myself permission to follow my bliss.
There is a part of me mourning my romantic ideal of being a success at something. I love Art but am mediocre at it and the hammer wavers over me. A beloved art teacher, Anne Warren once said to me, “Some of us are meant to be artists and some of us are meant to appreciate art.” I love to sew but it is sloppy. This day I have realized what I have always been totally excellent at; is appreciating the value in others. I am the quintessence of this. I have found my calling. Hallelujah!